They don't call us The Masters for nothing. We wise old heads of the Grey Goatee Golf Association go head-to-head this weekend with a nice little invitational tournament down in Augusta. They call theirs a major. We call ours THE major of the global golf season so far, just as it has been every … [Read more...]
Why not?
Herewith the reasons these players who could win The Open Championship will not win The Open Championship (2022 LIV-challenged edition): Brooks Koepka: Too big a jerk Phil Mickelson: Who cares? Jon Rahm: Butt's too big Patrick Reed: Too LIV to live Tiger Woods: Too … [Read more...]
Present tense
Right about now, in a normal year, Phil Mickelson would be chatting up his annual attempt to win the U.S. Open, the only major he hasn't won, and that would be the only real topic, and he'd be charming, if you like his kind of shtick, like he was auditioning, as always, for the network analyst job … [Read more...]
Pardon edition
I'm the Commissar, which is all you or anyone needs to know about My fat regal ass and My divine right to spew My rancid guts out on the heads of the innocent and grant pardon to My friends in the next gasp. There is only One Commissar, so therefore I write The Rules of Being the Commissar, … [Read more...]
This week in golf and culture
Thanksgiving Day Nov. 28, 2019: On which we appreciate golf and its large place in our lives, notwithstanding that it rips our guts out and makes us drink and takes us away for hours and days from our loving families. We know what you’re thinking, and no, this day is for family time … … [Read more...]
Minnehaha explained
Minnehaha Country Club in South Dakota, which is said to be south of North Dakota, is the site of this weekend's Sanford Invitational for the older gentlemen of the Champions Tour. The name of the club derives, we believe, from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's poem "The Song of Hiawatha," which is … [Read more...]
Participation edition
The best players in women's golf, which maybe almost not quite passes the straight-face test, are in Scotland this weekend for a little exhibition called the Solheim Cup. The best players in men's golf, which I couldn't say with a straight face if it was paralyzed, flat turned to plaster, are … [Read more...]
Wait for it …
The next big thing in big-time men's golf is the Presidents Cup in December, and boy oh boy our boys are eager to win one for the prez in Australia, right there where people remember how our hero alienated the Aussie prime minister over the telephone, butt-dialed him or something, then got pissy … [Read more...]
Maj. Major edition
In the limitless wisdom of the schedulers of the big-time professional golf tours, it must have seemed like a good idea to somebody to schedule, this week, a Champions Tour major against an LPGA major. It flat guarantees that constituents of neither will pay attention to the other, which is okay, … [Read more...]
Entrapped epiglottis edition
Omaha Beach was scratched from Saturday’s Kentucky Derby, meaning, among other things, that he won’t win the Triple Crown but might otherwise expect a decent career as an elite thoroughbred racer before retiring to the barn to party like a stud pony. I know you or I, faced with the same life … [Read more...]
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