I don’t think I’ve seen a magpie, nor would I know one if I heard one. Are they native to my part of Grey Goatee Nation? No idea. Doesn’t matter.
My boys, the sporting gentlemen of the 3GA, were chattering on like Heckle and Jeckle, giggling by text message just after securing reservations for the reopening.
I wasn’t joining in much. Just listening.
If I was smiling, well, I was feeling it, too. Golf is back. And we got tee times.
Ornithological digression: Magpies are noisy, sometimes predatory scavengers, as black in reputation as their sleek coat of feathers that in the right light hints at a deep cerulean blue.
One species, the black-billed magpie (Pica hudsonia), lives in the northwesternmost state of the Nation. Who knew?
What the hell is cerulean? No idea. Doesn’t matter. We got tee times.
Golf has returned to the precincts of the Global Golf HQ, just in time for the 15th Annual Bent Shaft Classic, the lid-lifter to the re-imagined 2020 season of the Grey Goatee Golf Association, known around the globe as the 3GA.
We acquired our prized tee times, in a ragged sequence from noon well into the afternoon, by going online individually and reserving slots. No dirty money is ever exchanged, hand to hand, with the pro shop
Some things are as always, such as twosomes are restricted to two players each. It follows that foursomes would have four players, and we can prove it, but there are no foursomes in Golf in the Covidian Era.
We will practice social distancing and observe all other guidelines intended to safeguard the health and safety of ourselves and others. This will play hell with our post-tournament chattering, but I, for one, am risk-averse, by which I mean scared shitless.
Most of us own the most dangerous underlying health condition of all. That is, all the years we’ve piled up in earning the pronounced grey in our scraggly beards.
It’s golf, and we’ve missed it. I expect we’ll go ahead and play. I doubt we’re smart enough to do the smart thing.
This week in golf and life
Grey Goatee Golf Association (3GA) Tour
May 9: The 15th Annual Bent Shaft Classic, Capitol City Golf Club, Lacey USA.
Major League Baseball
Postponed at ballparks everywhere. Opening day in July?
Little League Baseball
Canceled on diamonds everywhere. A year without baseball …
High school sports
On hold everywhere. Football in the fall?
On hold everywhere. How ’bout them Zags?
Revised dates: Aug. 6-9, TPC Harding Park, San Francisco.
The Indianapolis 500
Revised date: Aug. 23, Indianapolis Motor Speedway, Indianapolis.
Revised date: Sept. 5, Churchill Downs Racetrack, Louisville.
Revised dates: Sept. 17-20, Winged Foot Golf Club, Mamaroneck, N.Y..
Revised dates: Nov. 12-15, Augusta National Golf Club, Augusta, Ga.
Women’s U.S. Open
Revised dates: Dec. 10-13, Champions Golf Course, Houston.
What we’ll miss
The Championships, Wimbledon
June 29 — July 12, All England Club, London.
Canceled: See you next year — June 28 to July 11, 2021.
The Open Championship
July 16-19, Royal St George’s, Sandwich, Kent, England, UK.
Canceled: See you next year at Royal St. George’s, July 15-18, 2021.