I'm the Commissar, which is all you or anyone needs to know about My fat regal ass and My divine right to spew My rancid guts out on the heads of the innocent and grant pardon to My friends in the next gasp. There is only One Commissar, so therefore I write The Rules of Being the Commissar, … [Read more...]
Day 3: My pronouns
Been watching the Presidents Cup flow by on my television set with the sound down, a lot of the time. Our alternative soundtrack today is brought to you by Boz Scaggs's Out of the Blues. Favorite line, from "I've Just Got to Know": I think you want me for conveniency / If I'm wrong please tell me … [Read more...]
Day 2: And then another
The text came in from the brother in America's heartland: "Am I hallucinating or did we just make a putt?" We, baby, is the Americans, baby, and when Patrick Cantlay rolled one in from 14 feet on 18 to win a full point for the RW&B, we were on the way back. You can't have momentum until you … [Read more...]
Day 1: Goofy again at the Prez Cup
The Internationals' unprecedented 4-1 lead after Day One of the Presidents Cup should have been no surprise, given the severe competitive disadvantage faced by our boys. Really with the white pants? If cringing made a sound, you’d be hearing it from the famously astute Grey Goatee Fashion … [Read more...]
This week in golf and culture
Thanksgiving Day Nov. 28, 2019: On which we appreciate golf and its large place in our lives, notwithstanding that it rips our guts out and makes us drink and takes us away for hours and days from our loving families. We know what you’re thinking, and no, this day is for family time … … [Read more...]
Minnehaha explained
Minnehaha Country Club in South Dakota, which is said to be south of North Dakota, is the site of this weekend's Sanford Invitational for the older gentlemen of the Champions Tour. The name of the club derives, we believe, from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's poem "The Song of Hiawatha," which is … [Read more...]
Participation edition
The best players in women's golf, which maybe almost not quite passes the straight-face test, are in Scotland this weekend for a little exhibition called the Solheim Cup. This is us The best players in men's golf, which I couldn't say with a straight face if it was paralyzed, flat turned to … [Read more...]
Monday Mess: Labor edition
Labor Day, 2019, and the only real work I have to do today is walk the d-o-g in the early-morning f-o-g and the only work he has to do is push out the shit for me to find in the Pampas grass in front of the building across the street from the house where I live with the girls and all the other … [Read more...]
Wait for it …
The next big thing in big-time men's golf is the Presidents Cup in December, and boy oh boy our boys are eager to win one for the prez in Australia, right there where people remember how our hero alienated the Aussie prime minister over the telephone, butt-dialed him or something, then got pissy … [Read more...]
Do not do the math
We won't be testing the algorithms and paroxysms and quadralytic equations supporting the new scoring system that will Sunday reward the winner of the FedEx Cup with a big fat check. These are $15 million calculations, and it hurts my head to think about 'em. To the fore comes Ryan … [Read more...]
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