Herewith the reasons these players who could win The Open Championship will not win The Open Championship (2022 LIV-challenged edition):
Brooks Koepka: Too big a jerk
Phil Mickelson: Who cares?
Jon Rahm: Butt’s too big
Patrick Reed: Too LIV to live
Tiger Woods: Too damaged
Bryson DeChambeau: Too ridiculous
Dustin Johnson: Too fucking stupid
Jordan Spieth: Too late, again
Rory McIlroy: Too close, again
Justin Thomas: Too fashion-challenged
Collin Morikawa: Too cool to care
Sam Burns: Too soon
Patrick Cantlay: Too 2021
Will Zalatoris: Too Boris
Xander Schauffele: Too much good stuff
Shane Lowry: Too much the house favorite
Scottie Scheffler: Too good to be on this list.
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