PORTLAND, Ore. — Life is cruel out on the bubble … you stand on a thin membrane with nowhere to hide and a long way to fall … and then you have to try to play golf.
For two of Grey Goatee Nation’s adopted sons, the second day of the WinCo Foods Portland Open — cut day — was unkind. One, at least, is not mathematically eliminated from The 25, we think, but remember the math is twisty and not meant for human heads.
Rob Oppenheim, who began the tournament No. 24 on The 25, missed the cut, following an opening 71 with a 70 today, one stroke over the cut line on two-under 140. He’ll have no chance on the weekend to add to his $160,158.71 winnings this year — and plenty of guys behind him willing to step on his head and assume his place in The 25 and the PGA Tour card that accrues.
Jorge Fernandez-Valdes never got it going, shooting 76-75 in the two days, and he’s not in: he’s 27th on The 25. He’s out — I can do that math. Sometimes we like our adopted sons to play better.
Two other stepchildren of The Nation are alive, and ready to play through the rain in North Plains (address of Pumpkin Ridge’s Witch Hollow Course) on the weekend.
Harold Varner III — the bubble-est bubble guy in The 25 at Twenty-Five On the Number — made the cut with a Friday 69, which got him to 3-under par, one under the cut line. At least he can wear a glove on one of his sweaty palms and won’t have to worry about what to do with his hands while he frets over the guys stalking him from behind.
Kevin Tway, No. 26 on The List, followed a Thursday 66 with a Friday 71, three below the cut line. He’s playing the weekend, but he needs to make money — about $12,000 to supplant Oppenheim and $10,000 to take out Varner … and that doesn’t even figure in all the other guys below him who could make big jumps and blow into The 25 and bump other guys down.
I warn you, brothers and sisters of Grey Goatee Nation, do not do the math. Do not even try.
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