I saw the other night in one supermarket tabloid the headline, “I killed JFK!” Glad to have that mystery solved, and even more glad we’re back to normal crackhead shit in the ‘bloids. I like to rely on my fake news — it’s comforting to know Elvis is 81 and living in Muskogee where he was visited recently by the Dickhead Who Will Not be Named, who is said to be considering Elvis for head of the Peanut Butter and Banana Division of the FDA.
It’s not so comforting to know Hilary operates a sex-abuse ring out of a pizza parlor in D.C. But it’s true. I read it.
I didn’t much like the way the Dickhead, on the campaign trail, mocked people for their appearance if he didn’t like ’em. I won’t stoop to it. In fact, I’m happy to point out that Rudy Giuliani, this morning on CNN, looked just like the famous movie star Jackie Coogan. You know. Uncle Fester.
The inscrutable one — so, okay, can a serial road-hard philanderer really be inscrutable? What does inscrutable even mean? – says he will play in The Genesis Open Feb. 16-19 at Riviera Country Club.
Tiger Woods might play before that — at Pebble? Torrey Pines? Abu Dhabi Du? Whenever he does, you can be assured you’ll read it here nowhere near first.
inscrutable (Webster’s New Twentieth Century Dictionary of the English Language, Unabridged, Second Edition, p. 948): Not capable of being searched into and understood by inquiry or study; incapable of being discovered, comprehended or accounted for; incomprehensible; unfathomable; completely obscure or mysterious.
inscrutable (Grey Goatee Global Golf Dictionary, Unhinged and Unabated, First and Only Edition, p. 23): Tiger Woods.