Omaha Beach was scratched from Saturday’s Kentucky Derby, meaning, among other things, that he won’t win the Triple Crown but might otherwise expect a decent career as an elite thoroughbred racer before retiring to the barn to party like a stud pony.
I know you or I, faced with the same life choice and the same entrapped epiglottis, would not risk our health racing against the world’s best 3-year-olds. We were trained better than that.
In fact, we’re thinking persons, and with the betting favorite out of the picture we see opportunities for creativity. Thus, your Kentucky Derby winner – and yes you should visit a betting parlor near you – is Win Win Win, out of the No. 14 post position at 12-1, with a lot of heavy money laid late.
epiglottis (Webster’s New Twentieth Century Dictionary, Unabridged, Second Edition, p. 613): in anatomy, a cartilaginous structure behind the tongue, which covers the opening to the windpipe during the act of swallowing and thus prevents food and drink from entering the larynx.
epiglottis (Grey Goatee Global Golf Dictionary, Unmoored, First and Only Edition, p. 7):1. that which prevents one from choking; 2. that which, when compromised, offers little help for surviving high-risk activities such as explaining why golf and whiskey take 11 hours to play out on a Saturday afternoon.
Lydia Ko is back this week at the site of her only LPGA victory of 2018, which was her first since a watershed 2016 season: five victories, including a major, which came a year after she was Player of the Year and tour money champion and became the youngest professional golfer of any gender to rise to No. 1 in the world.
Since then, just the one, a year ago at the MediHeal Championship in Daly City, Calif. Clearly, at 22, she’s over the hill.
Question: Is it possible to be over the hill if you’ve never climbed any goddamn hill? That would describe the gentle men of the Grey Goatee Golf Association, who will try once more to swallow their crushing life disappointments at the season’s second stop, just as if golf could ever be the answer.